Inner Treasures

One of my great teachers, Annie Sherwood, recently asked me to make a list of things that I treasure about myself. This idea touched my heart because I know that it is only when we truly love, appreciate, and approve of ourselves, that we can treat ourselves and others with love and respect. On the other hand, if we don't fully love ourselves, we may end up harming ourselves in big and small ways, not setting boundaries, self-medicating with addictive behaviors, and feeling overwhelmed with fear, insecurity, anger, stress, worry, and so on.

So, she said to make a list. I need to make this list. I have had trouble setting boundaries with someone lately and then feeling angry afterward. Perhaps this list will set me free. Perhaps if I find more love and respect for myself by thinking about my greatness rather than worrying about my smallness, I can release the past. I can release resentment and fly freely.

This reminds me of a powerful meditation experience I had a few years back in an intensive in Jakarta. I was deeply inside and then saw a list of my faults. I anxiously began to go through the list of faults. God showed up (thank God) to go through the list with me. God was lighthearted and chuckled, “Oh, I love this fault. I love that fault. Even though you have this, I still love you. I love you despite your faults. I love you.” I went through the list until nothing was left and God loved me all the way through it. Of course, I was blown away by this experience of being with God. I also remember thinking that if God can love and accept me as I am, I could do the same.

Louise Hay says, "Everyone suffers from self-hatred and guilt. The bottom line for everyone is 'I'm not good enough.' It's only a thought, and a thought can be changed. We create every so called illness in our body. Resentment, criticism, and guilt are the most damaging patterns. Releasing resentment will dissolve even cancer. We must release the past and forgive everyone. We must be willing to begin to love ourselves. Self-approval and self-acceptance in the now are the keys to positive changes. When we really love ourselves, everything in our life works."

My Treasures
- I am courageous. Courage carrying me to Italy, China, and Indonesia. Courage attracting immense grace and healing in these journeys.
- I am faithful and I have faith. I believe in the power of family. I treasure my husband and our deep friendship and love.
- I am spiritual and steadfast. I treasure my 14 year commitment to my spiritual path and practices.
- I am a good teacher. I treasure this gift to be a teacher. May I deepen my capacity to heal, be healed, and to touch lives.
- I am willing to change. I understand that I attract whatever comes into my life and that if I want to change what I am attracting, I must be willing to look at myself and my beliefs and make a shift. I am willing to look. I am willing to change.
- I am not self-conscious (most of the time) and I dance like no one is watching.
- Almost 40 and just discovering my inner athlete. Got to love second winds.
- I am a good mother...which means more to me than almost all of the others put together.
- I love and approve of myself exactly the way that I am.

Affirmations from Louise Hay

Last summer I took a Hay House "I can do it" cruise to Alaska with my husband and kids. The cruise was completely chartered by Hay House and so everyone on board was a teacher, writer, thinker, healer, searcher, researcher, etc. It felt like a floating ashram. I even met Louise Hay, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and many other famous self-help powerhouses.

I am so moved by Louise Hay's personal story. She went through so much suffering in her life and was able to overcome. She wrote her first book in her 60's and now she's a mega-publisher and in her 80's. She says this is the best decade of her life so far.

I found transformation and healing in her book "You Can Heal Your Life." I did not know I still had so much to release from the past, but apparently it was (is) so. And that's fine. Thank you L. Hay for helping me widen my toolbox to include more forgiveness and releasing of the past to add to the yoga, meditation, and positive thinking that I practice. On that note, here are some lovely affirmations from Louise:

"I love myself; therefore, I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages, I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body responds to me with vibrant health and energy.

I love myself; therefore, I provide for myself a comfortable home, one that is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, myself included, will feel this love and be nourished by it.

I love myself: therefore, I work at a job I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people I love and love me, and earning a good income.

I love myself ; therefore, I behave and think in a loving way to all people for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied. I only attract loving people in my world, for they are a mirror of what I am.

I love myself; therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences, and I am free.

I love myself; therefore, I live in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the Universe, and the Universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever more.

All is well in my world."

I Loved God as a Child

Ever since I was a child, I have loved God. When I was a very small child I would walk to church by myself. I remembered feeling that God was with me and I remember my grandma’s insistence that I go to church. My family was Church of Christ which was a conservative path in which no musical instruments or dancing was allowed. As a young teenager, I had many strong experiences of God by participating in a Methodist church’s youth group. However, as an older teen, I lost touch with my spiritual seeking and starting seeking other things like boys, etc.

A lot of emotional baggage and dis-ease from my childhood crept up in college and I suffered feelings of depression, anger, insecurity, and unworthiness. I was not at peace, but I was functional enough and muddled through. Although I was not particularly looking, I found my treasure shortly after college while I was in teaching English in China. Through a friend there, I met an enlightened Indian saint. The experiences I had from following this saint’s teachings were undeniably powerful. I received a very physical experience of Kundalini awakening. Kundalini is a dormant spiritual energy that lives within everyone and resides at the base of the spine.

Jesus said, “The kingdom of God is within” and I have found that to be true in meditation experiences. So that is where I look for God, in my own heart. When I experience the depth of my heart in meditation, I notice more goodness, light, and beauty on the outside as well. I have HUGE signs, miracles, protection, dreams, and experiences of God on a regular basis and I understand that God is in everything, but most especially in the human heart. I believe everyone has access to God and by putting their attention on it, and even going more deeply into their own path, they can be taken very deeply into their own hearts. I have seen Christians, Buddhist, Muslims, Jews, Mormons, Hindus, and yogis all lit up by divine love.

I would love to hear from others about your experiences of the divine. Please feel free to share your light on the path.