My Worst Mistake

I love and approve of myself. This is the teaching from Louise Hay that I have eaten and digested. I love and approve of myself. Finally, thank God. I love and approve of myself.

My mind wants to lament over the rotting potato on the kitchen counter. The knotty, wrinkled, expired, fleshy potato. A missed opportunity. You, my little potato friend, could have been a contender. But no. Here you rot. Then I notice a little bit of life shooting and sprouting up toward the sun. A paradigm shift. You are actually victorious! Regardless of your aged look. You are still full of life and longing and on a great adventure. The lamenting turns to laughter. I actually do love and approve of myself! And I approve of you too little potato head! I rejoice in all of life. Sad and desperate at times, but beautiful and thriving as well. Stopping to judge and then relaxing into acceptance. I am ready. Ready to be molded and shaped by destiny. Thank God. The critical mind moving toward the compassionate heart.

Yesterday I was thinking about what is the worst mistake I ever made? An answer popped up, then another and another. So, I went with the first.

When I was in high school, I wrecked my mom's 280ZX and sustained painful injuries myself. Left largely alone to recuperate after. By myself. I hurt myself. Confused feelings. Mother issues. Unworthiness issues. Self-pitying issues. I ate. It was Halloween and I knocked out every single candy bar in the whole tray. I punished. Though, it felt like I was sucking on a pacifier. Pacifying my pain, loneliness, guilt, and sadness.

Here we go again. Close to the doom...and then the light. So what? So what if I ate and ate for all those years. So what if my cheeks got chubby and my tummy ached. That was the past. My tummy feels good now, most of the time. And so what if I slip and make mistakes? So what if food can still be my favorite pacifier. I love and approve of myself.